LAST week, we started looking at this topic and today, we shall be concluding. To communicate with your spouse effectively, you will have to avoid the following:
Assuming you know why he/she did what you feel hurt about. Not only that, you should also not assume your spouse should know you are hurt. Rather, we should build it into our subconscious mind that our spouses deserve the benefit of the doubt. Assumption is a serious culprit factor in marital crisis. When communication is based on assumption, it can not be effective. Rather, a wrong message is what we get to pass accross to each other.
- Shouting At Your Spouse:
Shouting at your spouse will not make your message to be delivered and received the way it should be. I have witnessed such act being counter productive, with the recipient getting offended as well. The issue then became “yam pepper, scatter scatter”. So shouting at your spouse is not effective communication, but a miscommunication. It is like putting a round peg in a square hole. If it enters at all, both the peg and the hole will suffer damages.
- Abusive Language
Abusive language should be shunned. It will aggravate the situation rather than solve it. Abusing your spouse will only generate negative response. After all, it is an established fact that whatever you so is what you will reap. Couples should realise that going abusive to communicate our hurts and frustration is an illwind that blows no one any good. Rather, it makes one to reap whirlwind. So, you get double douse of your investment.
- Impulse outburst
This is instantaneous reactions to issues between you and your spouse. Don’t act on impulse when you have issues with your spouse. Always allow for time to process such in your mind before taking any action on such issues. Remember that time allows one to err on the side of truth and right action. Being hasty about decision making can be costly. One may have to apologise or pay dearly for costly mistake of an impulse outburst.
- Past occurrences
Past happenings between you and your spouse should not necessarily form the basis of your communication. That he/she did something wrong before should not become a regular reference point in your communication. So stop saying, “that was what you did the other day”. The other day is gone, today is another day. It cannot necessarily be the same scenario. Therefore, deal with the issue at hand now, and not with the mindset of the previous happenings.
- Preconceived notions
Don’t communicate with your spouse on the basis of this is the way men or women behave. For instance, people often say men are never to be trusted with other females, or women love money”. These are generalised phrases which are not always true in all situations. Not all men and women are like that. So, if you have been indoctrinated that the show of is what brings a woman under submission, you will not have effective communication with your wife. As you communicate submission to her through beating, you are sending a wrong signal to her that you are a beast of burden. So, both of you will be working at cross purpose.
Let us begin the year on a good note as we reinforce effective communication in our marriage. I wish you a blissful year 2019.
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